December, or my life for that matter, has turned into one big waiting game. I laugh at the irony of how this frustration and anxiety that accompanies waiting fits perfectly within the season of Advent.
Waiting. Watching. Hoping.
I wait for phone calls from potential employers as I begin to embrace my looming status of employment in just a few short weeks. I wait for calls simply telling me a facility has an opening. I wait for calls telling me that my resume passed the first test, and I have managed to score myself a telephone interview. I wait for that one call from a company telling me my skills and qualifications were so impressive they don’t even need to interview me, because I got the job! OK, OK, I know. That’s never going to happen. But a girl can dream, can’t she?
And then there’s my personal life. I wish I could say it was a different story, but it’s not. There is more waiting involved.
The dates I went on before I left for Thanksgiving break? I thought they went quite well, thank you. But the, “See you when I get back,” has turned into waiting for a phone call. Waiting for, “Let’s hang out again.” Waiting for a fourth date that I’ve come to realize is never going to materialize.
It seems the idea of a relationship, at least from the perspective of this gentleman, has vanished into thin air.
And so I wait. Wait for employers to tell me I am worthy enough to even speak with them. Wait for this guy to tell me that after three dates I am not a complete bore, and he would maybe, just maybe, like to spend more time with me. Wait for others to verify my worth as a human being.
But as I wait for the world, I remember who I am.
I’m a child of God. And that is all the verification I need.
I’m constantly checking my phone. Just in case he called. Constantly checking my e-mail. Just in case a manager didn’t opt for a real-life conversation.
So in the morning, before I emerge from underneath the warm covers, to the cold, dark world that also sits in anticipation and waits, I take a moment to pause. To pray.
I would be lying if I said my heart did not ache to pray for what I want. Pray for the perfect job to land in my lap. Pray that suddenly I become 10 times more interesting and attractive to the guy who hasn’t called.
But I refrain. Instead I pray for what I know God is trying to teach me.
God is using my current circumstances to help me wait. God is taking the pain and anxiety and frustration of waiting, helping me to see the beauty in the season of Advent.
Photo by edenpictures, Flickr CC